Wedding Planning, Weddings

Premarital Counseling and Why You Should

Let me start off by saying, premarital counseling was not something that we thought we needed. And it definitely wasn’t a “must have” on our wedding check list.  We weren’t actively seeking out a situation where we’d talk about our feelings and the “hard” stuff about marriage. I knew a lot of my friends who had recently gotten married went through it, but never thought it was something we’d do. After all, we’ve been dating for almost eight years and know everything about each other. What could there possibly be to talk about that we hadn’t already talked about?

Premarital Counseling for Couples who Have been dating for Years

Baby Josh and Allison circa 2009 (Senior Year of High School)

But, God had other plans. When we booked our officiant (our high school principal and Josh’s basketball coach) he insisted and we couldn’t say no.

We honestly didn’t know what to expect our first session, but afterwards, we were believers. I think everyone needs to go through at least a few sessions and here’s why:

  • You’ll leave encouraged. In all the craziness of wedding planning and the hectic day to day, it’s an hour that you can focus on you and your relationship.

The first session we talked about what things drive us crazy. I know, what a great way to start things off. For me it was Josh wanting all of the dishes on the right side of the sink (why is there even a left side?) For him, it was me being a slob and leaving my shoes in the middle of the living room almost every day. Once we identified these issues, I noticed that in the weeks to follow, we consciously made an effort to be better at those seemingly little things.

And even if we were going over stuff we already knew, I remember leaving our first session largely encouraged and like I had breathed a breath of fresh air.

  • You’ll be on the same page. And if not the same page, at least the same paragraph. You’ll feel better about being able to talk about it, too. Premarital counseling goes over the basics–how to love each other, finances, children, everything. And a lot of it, are things you don’t talk about in every day conversation. How many kids, when, and how to raise them is not a conversation you have over Taco Tuesday. But, it’s nice to be reminded that you CAN talk about these things and that you SHOULD talk about these things.
  • Your relationship will be stronger. Seems silly, but it’s true! You’ve talked/are talking about the “hard” things like pros and seeking wisdom when you don’t know what to do.

As I mentioned before and for anyone who knows us personally, we’re going on EIGHT years of dating. That’s a long time of ups and downs and getting to know each other. But yet, with our weekly sessions leading up to our wedding, I feel that our relationship has never been stronger.

So if you’re on the fence about premarital counseling, take the leap. Talk about your feelings and the “hard” things in life. You won’t regret it. It will be one of the best things you can possibly do for your relationship and upcoming marriage.

premarital counseling

  • Essentially Mel

    I think therapy of any sort is beneficial to any relationship. I didn’t have premarital counseling with my first marriage and well that ended. Perhaps if I did, I would have reconsidered. Being stronger never hurt a relationship for sure.

  • This is so true. In fact I encouraged my daughter and son in law to do it before they get married (they did).

  • I really really wish we did some pre-marital counseling. I think it is nothing but good for a relationship. But it is one of those things that we just never got around to.

  • verushka ramasami

    I would defo go for premarital counselling before I get married in order to build a stronger relationship with my partner.

  • I loved reading this, it really seems as if it did you a lot of good. I think it really is an american thing though, never heard of it in the Netherlands… 😉 Also I think you don’t necessarily need a counselor for an important talk, but it can make it a bit easier to start I guess… Why not talk about serieus stuff when you are having dinner together?

  • I love this! We didn’t do official premarital counseling but we met with a couple and talked relationship with them so it was pretty similar. I recommend premarital counseling to everyone!

  • Elizabeth Johnson

    I am a big believer in premarital counseling. I think it is so good to talk about that tough stuff. It also helps show you and your fiance how to healthily communicate with each other. Such good stuff!

    Elizabeth Ann // http://www.lovedoinglife.com

  • Jen @ Saving with Spunk

    Amen! PM Counseling was a no-brainer for us. Having a third party perspective and someone who can tell you some hard stuff your friends and family may not is so valuable.

  • LoveinTheAirForce

    My fiancé and I couldn’t afford professional counseling, but we did a premarital counseling workbook together. Our friends think we’re crazy for not simply trusting our relationship, but we think that great marriage come from a lot of work and effort.

  • We didn’t do premarital counseling but I can see why it would be very beneficial.

  • Soo true 👍🏼😊

  • I’m a huge believer in premarital counseling. Talking through the tough stuff with someone who can give you unbiased real talk that family and friends can’t is invaluable.
    xx | A

  • Should have this on my mind one day i start with my marriage plans xoxo

    https://theninebyivana.blogspot.com/

  • Love this, my boyfriend and I have already talked about the officiant we want and he requires pre-marriage counseling and while we don;t have any prominent problems we both thought it would be a wonderful experience to grow. Glad to hear you had a wonderful experience with it!

  • Yes, yes, yes! My husband and I were so busy that we only did two sessions with our officiant, but we wish we did more. I am such an advocate for it!!

  • Kaitlyn Fickle Killebrew

    Nick and I loved premarital counseling. Definitely a worthwhile thing for engaged couples! 😊

  • I’m not engaged yet but I was thinking of this. I only hear nothing but great things!

    Meghan | BeyondBasicBlog.com

  • I couldn’t agree more! Premarital counseling was an AWESOME choice for us. It was mandatory for us with our church, but it was actually looked forward to by the end. It was cathartic and definitely brought us closer together!

    Coming Up Roses